A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I hate birthdays.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

God gave us the gift of life it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once.

To me - old age is always ten years older than I am.

All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.