For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

We'll take the cake with the red cherry on top.

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.

I hate birthdays.