All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie?

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once.

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.