A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.

I hate birthdays.

Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie?

It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.