A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie?

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.

The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday.