We'll take the cake with the red cherry on top.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Your children need your presence more than your presents.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.

I hate birthdays.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.