The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once.

Your children need your presence more than your presents.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I hate birthdays.

To me - old age is always ten years older than I am.

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity.

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.