Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday.

Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.

Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.

Your children need your presence more than your presents.