Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

God gave us the gift of life it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.

A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I hate birthdays.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'