If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.

I'm not materialistic. I believe in presents from the heart, like a drawing that a child does.

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie?

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'