Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Old age has deformities enough of its own. It should never add to them the deformity of vice.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

Bashfulness is an ornament to youth, but a reproach to old age.

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.